Happy Ever Now
by HR always live on
Summary: Harry and Ruth are together and happy. I can't seem to stop writing HR fic, so enjoy! Takes place at the end of stabbed.
1. Chapter 1

_Takes place from the end of stabbed, with a (in my opinion) rather unrealistic twist. But I couldn't help myself. __There is going to be drama as well as the fluff and it won't be all sunshine and happiness, but starting off nicely..._

* * *

><p>It was the last day of January and Ruth was pacing up and down the kitchen after being on the phone for more than an hour when Harry came in. He'd gone down to the village shop for today's paper and he'd been distracted by a cricket match going on the village green. Now that he had time for things like cricket matches. Ruth looked so angry that it was almost funny he though, but he didn't dare laugh as he sat down by the kitchen table.<p>

"Thank you very much," Ruth said into the phone sarcastically. She slammed the phone down onto the kitchen table "You unhelpful bastard," she cursed at whoever had been on the other end of the phone.

"Apparently I'm not the only Pearce who paces," he said as she stood looking out of the kitchen window.

"Harry, I am not in the mood," she said, more angry than he had ever seen her. "Just once, just this once I wish I still worked at Thames House." Harry looked at her completely shocked. She had never voiced this opinion before.

"Only because I know that if I still worked at the grid this would take me about twenty minutes to hack into the databases I need to, rather than doing it he official way."

"Doing what?" Harry asked.

"I'm trying to have my name changed on all my official documents. Passport, driving licence and so on. It's a bloody nightmare!"

"You don't have to do that," Harry said. "I don't mind if you want to stay Ruth Evershed."

"Well I do mind!" Ruth said. "I would have done this all before Christmas but we were so busy moving house and getting married and then coming down with the flu and…" Her words were cut off by Harry kissing her. It quickly turned passionate and Ruth found herself pressed between his body and the kitchen table. It was an extremely pleasant situation to be in. The only drawback was that they were both still fully clothed. He kissed her again, lips attacking hers when the doorbell rang.

"No, no, no," Ruth moaned in frustration under her breath. "We are busy."

"I'll get rid of them," Harry said breathlessly. Ruth nodded as he got off the table and hurried to the front door. Ruth sat up and straightened her blouse a little, trying to get her breath back. She stood up as it became clear that the visitor wasn't easy to get rid of. She walked around the corner and forgot (almost completely) about Harry pining her to the kitchen table. (They'd do that again at a later date, she was sure).

"Erin!" Ruth said happily. "Come in." Harry and Ruth shared a look which said louder than words ever could that they'd continue their tryst at a later point in time.

"Its good to see you both so happy," Erin said as Ruth handed her a mug of tea.  
>"Yes," Harry said, his fingertips brushing under the hem of Ruth's blouse for a second.<p>

"I'm sorry about the wedding," Erin said. "We wanted to be there, but with only a few hours notice we couldn't get away."

"Its Harry's fault," Ruth said. "He seemed desperate to get me down the aisle once I'd agreed.

"Do you blame me?" he said sitting next to her. "So what brings you here?" Harry asked Erin.

"Well I have two pieces of news," Erin said. "First Dimitri was caught in the explosion in London last week."

"Oh no!" Ruth said shocked. "They said there were no casualties! No one was injured!"

"I know, we had that circulated on purpose for various reasons."

"Is he alright?" Harry asked.

"He's got a little burn damage on his left arm and recovering from smoke inhalation but he will be fine."

"Good," Ruth said sincerely. She'd always liked Dimitri.

"Yes, well him being hospitalised has cleared things up otherwise. We have decided to get married."

"What?" Both Harry and Ruth said at the same time. "Blimey, you know how to keep an office romance quiet," Harry added.

"We learned from the best," Erin said with a smile.

"No arguing with that one," Ruth said squeezing Harry's hand lightly.

"Anyway, I thought it would be good to tell you in person," Erin said, a smile flowering on her face.

"Congratulations," Ruth said quietly.

"Thank you," Erin said. She reached into her jacket pocket and handed Ruth a wedding invitation. Ruth felt her heart skip when she read that it was addressed to Mr and Mrs Pearce. She thought that would never get old.

"That was quick," Harry said.

"You two had a twenty four hour engagement," Erin said quickly. "You don't get to judge us." Ruth nodded as Erin continued "There's a perfect little church I love," Erin said with a smile. "Its beautiful in summer with so many blooming flowers. Dimitri told me to book it. To make sure I wouldn't change my mind."

"We'll be there," Harry said.

"You don't even have to look at the date?" Erin asked.

"Well, we are incredibly busy now that we're both retired," Ruth said sarcastically.  
>"Fair enough," Erin said happily. She gave Ruth a hug and then let her go and looked at her curiously.<p>

"What?" Ruth asked.

"You look different. Look, its none of my business but…are… are you pregnant?" Ruth's face looked like its been slapped, the total astonishment that was on it.

"Oh my God, how the hell did you know?" she said in an amazed whisper.

"Ruth?" Harry said, pulling her arm to face him. Erin cringed, as it was clear from the look of genuine shock on his face that he hadn't known. "But… how?"

"Harry, do you really need the graphic details?" Erin said before she could stop herself. They both stared at her and Erin blushed strawberry red. "Well, now that I've ruined everything I'm going to go," Erin said retreating from the kitchen as fast as she could.

Harry looked at her in complete amazement. "Is it true?" he asked in a whisper. Almost as if saying it too loudly would make it a lie.

"I would have told you," Ruth said as his hands ran up and down her arms, her eyes boring into his, trying to make him see how honest she was being. "I only found out yesterday. I was just working out how to tell you."

"But you told me... you said that you couldn't have children."

"I didn't think I could," Ruth said shaking her head. "The doctor told me its a minor miracle, especially after looking at my records. But she also told me there was no doubt."

"You said everything went fine with the doctors appointment. You said you were just recovering from a bad infection and they gave you some antibiotics."

"Well I lied," Ruth said with a smile. "I wanted it to be special when I told you. And then Erin goes and spoils it."

"Say it," Harry said with a smile. "Please for me. Just say it."

"I'm pregnant." He didn't say a single word. He quickly kissed her, his hands running over her back, firmly pulling her body closer to his. She let out a satisfied "mm," without their lips parting and he chuckled into her mouth. "So you're happy?"

"I'm ecstatic," he said putting a hand on her flat stomach. And then he kissed her again.

* * *

><p><em>This chapter is based on a grain of realism. My mum accidentally did what Erin did to two of her friends (whoops!) Luckily it all turned out well! More soon, but working a lot this weekend. Will get it up as soon as I can.<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_The next morning..._

* * *

><p>Ruth screwed her face up as the sunlight burnt through her retinas. They hadn't done much the previous day since Erin had broken Ruth's news except kiss and make love in several rooms all over the house. With the result that she felt tired in the best possibly way as she woke up that morning. She sighed with happiness as Harry kissed her stomach, fingertips softly tracing her skin.<p>

"Are you going to wake me like this every morning?" Ruth asked after a minute of enjoying his touch.

"If you like," he said, working his way up to her lips.

"Sounds good," she said kissing him deeply, her hands entwining behind his head, pulling him closer. "At least until I'm too fat."

"You'll never be fat Ruth," he said, two fingers under her chin making her face him. "You could be nine months pregnant with triplets and you still wouldn't be fat."

"Er, can we just stick at the one?" Ruth said quickly with a pale face.

"You take my point," Harry whispered with a smile.

"Yes," she said quietly as he kissed her again. Ruth groaned as the phone rang. She leant over Harry to pick it up as he stroked her back. "Hello?"

"How much trouble am I in?" Erin's worried voice said.

"Oh you're not in trouble," Ruth said. "I just hadn't found a way to tell him yet."

"I would have liked to have heard it from my wife first," Harry said in a grumpy voice loud enough for Erin to hear. His fake anger didn't fool Ruth, and she allowed her hand to trail over his chest as she carried on talking to Erin.

"Is he mad at me?" Erin asked.

"Probably. But I have very effective methods of calming him down," she said as he raised his eyebrows.

"I deserved the visual you've just given me didn't I?"

"Erin, stop worrying," Ruth said. "Yes, I am pregnant and Harry and I are very happy, thank you."

"Good," Erin said clearly relived.

"And we will be coming to your wedding, if you don't mind the fact that I'll be extremely fat by then. I don't want to upstage the bride."

"You won't be fat," Harry said instinctively.

"Of course I want you at my wedding, so does Dimitri," Erin said sincerely. "He called me an idiot when I told him what I'd said. And several other worse things that I'm not going to repeat. Anyway I think Rosie is planning on upstaging me at our wedding anyway." Ruth let out a purely happy laugh. "She's demanded a pink bridesmaid dress already."

"Does she like Dimitri?" Ruth asked curiously.

"Yes," Erin said. "I couldn't marry him if she didn't. She's everything to me. Just you wait until you become a mother."  
>"Mm," Ruth said. "I have a few months until the sleepless nights kick in."<p>

"Don't worry Erin," Harry said after grabbing the phone from Ruth. "We're all happy here, now go back to saving the country.

"Will do." Harry put the phone down and rolled on top of Ruth, kissing her soundly.

"You seem very happy," she said as he stroked her hair.

"Corny as it sounds, all my dreams have just come true."

"Its not going to be easy," Ruth said. "She told me that I have to take everything easy, what with my age for a first pregnancy and my medical history as well."

"You should have told me that yesterday," Harry said in a low and menacing voice. "I wouldn't have…"

"What? Had sex with me on the kitchen table? I rather enjoyed that, and anyway I was lying down. How much damage do you think you could have done?"

"Well when you put it that way…" Harry said making her laugh. After a long kiss Ruth got up and Harry looked concerned.

"I'm getting dressed," she said simply. "I think I can manage to walk to the wardrobe."

"Mm," Harry said watching her pull her clothes on, knowing he'd be pulling them back off of her at the end of the day. She turned back to him and saw he still had worry in his eyes.

"Oh my God are you going to be like this for the next nine months."

"Probably."

"Great, something to look forward to," she said sarcastically.

* * *

><p><em>I'm going to skip ahead in time a bit for the next chapter, hope no one minds. Reviews make me smile :) :)<em>


	3. Chapter 3

**_April 29th,_**

Ruth woke up, feeling two things. A kiss on her cheek and a feather light kick in her stomach. Her smile was so wide that Harry knew it wasn't just his kiss that had done that. She reached for his hand and pressed it to her rounded stomach. "I just felt it," she said. "Oh please do it again," she said to the baby, willing it to happen so Harry could feel it. He kept both his hands on her stomach for countless minutes. Just when Ruth had given up expecting it, she felt the second kick from her baby. Harry had felt it, she knew that from the look on his face.

"Oh, I'm so glad its timings better than yours," she said with a smile.

"Mm," he said kissing her lips lightly. "Happy Birthday," he whispered.

"I'm sorry but any present you give me won't top that moment," she said, her face a reflection of wonderful happiness.

"I'll take it back then," he said teasingly. She smiled as he got up to find her present. Soon enough he was back in the bedroom carrying a large flat box. She sat up and opened it and pushed the dark tissue paper away. Her fingers grazed silk and she pulled the fabric out of the box. A gorgeous blue silk dress fell to the bed and she ran her hands over it lovingly. She looked and it intensely and it became clear that it was from a maternity section.

"My God, its beautiful," she whispered. "Its more stunning than my wedding dress."

"No its not," he said, pulling her hand into his grasp. "Anyway, the dress comes with reservations at The Bay Restaurant, by the beach for tonight. I have made sure that tonight they won't be serving prawns or tuna because I know that the smell makes you sick, and they have a non alcoholic champagne for you."

"What did I do to deserve you?" Ruth said quietly, a smile seeming to have permanent residence on her face.

"I love you," Harry said kissing her lightly. When his lips left hers he kept his face close to her, his eyes scanning her face intently. She hadn't cut her hair since they'd married and it was longer, down past her shoulders now. He took a strand of her dark hair and ran his fingers down it slowly

"What are you doing?" she asked quietly as his eyes kept darting across her face, as if memorising every curve of her skin. Every freckle and eyelash.

"I just want to remember this," he whispered. "The way you look in this moment." She smiled. The way he looked at her made her feel so incredibly loved. She never thought she'd have this in her life.

"The way you look at me," she started quietly. "Its like you're seeing so much more than me."

"You are so beautiful and you never even realise it," he replied. Before she could reply, he kissed her again.

* * *

><p>"I need help," Ruth called later trying to get Harry's attention. He came in the bedroom, seeing the new dress almost hanging off of her. "I need a hand with the zip."<p>

"I don't know, you look quite alluring like that." She allowed herself to smile and turned her back to him. He slowly pulled up the zip, his fingers trailing up her spine, feeling every contour of her body. He let go of the zip and kissed the back of her neck, brushing her hair aside.

"You couldn't have done that slower if you tried," she said.

"Mm, do you blame me?" he said, kissing her skin again. "Shall we go?"

* * *

><p>They had had a wonderful meal together. The restaurant had been beautiful and the food had been amazing. They had walked quietly along the beach watching the waves crash on the sand before going home. Harry had given her his jacket and she loved his scent that drifted from the material. They sat on a garden swing chair, curled up together under a blanket in their back garden watching the stars. It was incredibly peaceful.<p>

"Oh!" Ruth said in a shocked whisper.

"You okay?" he asked concerned.

"This just feels so strange," she said, a hand clasping her stomach. Harry put a hand beside hers but he couldn't feel anything. "Its like its just turning over. Can you feel it?"

"Yes," he lied easily, kissing his wife softly on the lips.

"I'm happy," she said quietly. "I didn't think I could be this happy."

"Good," he said, an arm around her shoulders and they continued walking along the beach. "We've got that scan tomorrow."

"I'm nervous," she admitted. "What if something goes wrong? What if something already is wrong with the baby?"

"Sh," he said quickly. "That baby wouldn't be kicking if there was something wrong."

"I know," she said shaking her head. "But, after what happened when I was pregnant a few years ago… I just don't know. Plus we get the results back tomorrow, the blood tests."

"We wanted the tests done," he reminded her.

"I know, and because I'm an older mother I also know that the risks are much higher than normal. I'm terrified."

He knew how hard that must have been for her to admit, so he pulled her close and tried to take her mind off of that. "More importantly, tomorrow we find out whether it's a boy or a girl."

"I told you, I don't want to know," Ruth said.

"Yes, but it would be nice to call the baby him or her, rather than "it" all of the time."

"Fair point," she said in a whisper and he was pleased to see his distracting tactic had worked as he kissed her hair. "But I still don't want to know."

"Ruth, I really do. I want to know if we're going to have a beautiful girl with your perfect blue eyes or a baby boy who's unfortunate enough to look like me."

"Harry," she criticised him lightly. "I don't mind you knowing," she said. "But I'd like to be kept in the dark for a little while longer."

"We can't do that," Harry said. "I can't possibly know if you don't."

"Of course you can," she said. "Are you telling me you never kept secrets from me at work?" His silence was as good as agreement.

"That was necessary. It didn't mean I liked it."

"Honestly," Ruth said allowing his arms to pull her close. "You can know. Ask the obstetrician to step out and tell you. I don't mind. But you won't convince me. I'd like to not know until its born."

"It won't be a big thing if I know and you don't?" he asked.

"No. I promise," she said. "If it makes you happy."

"I love you," he said, kissing her hair. "You make me happy."

* * *

><p><em>Next chapter is the scan. Hope you liked Ruth's birthday...<em>


	4. Chapter 4

**April 30th**

Ruth was called through to the examination room and they were both nervous. Harry had hold of her hand so tightly it betrayed his own nerves. Ruth sat down, perching on the edge of the examination table as Doctor Shields came in with a smile. "I won't bore you with preliminaries, the blood test results came back and everything looks good. We need to do one more measurement of your scan today, but if it falls within usual limits, your child will be perfectly healthy."

"Good," Ruth said, letting out the breath she'd been holding for the last week. Harry smiled and kissed the top of her head before she leant back on the exam table. She lifted her T shirt and waited for the cold gel to hit her stomach. It was different feeling but not an uncomfortable one as the sonogram machine tried to focus in for a picture.

"Is anything wrong," Harry said as the screen still looked black.

"Just getting it to focus," Doctor Shields said with a smile. Don't panic."

"Oh!" Ruth said. "Yep the baby is fine. Its leg is right about there," she added pointing to the spot she'd just felt a kick. The doctor smiled as the regular beat of the heart thumped through the room. She moved the sonogram slightly lower and smiled as both parents seemed hypnotised by their baby on the screen.

"Yes, all looks healthy here," she said after a few minutes of silence. "Okay, are you interested in knowing the sex of the baby?"

"I'm not, he is," Ruth said quickly.

"Ruth…" he said quietly.

"You know you are," she said happily. The grin on his face made it clear that she was right. The doctor froze the picture and put the machine down and motioned to Harry to go outside.

"Are you sure?" he asked Ruth.

"Go," she said with a smile. He kissed her a fraction longer than he should have in public. Harry left with the doctor and Ruth smiled as she watched her husband leave.

"You really want to know?" Doctor Shields asked.

"Yes," he said eagerly.

"It's a boy."

"I really thought it'd be a girl," he said shaking his head. But he was still smiling at the same time. "You're sure he's healthy?"

"As sure as anyone ever can be," the doctor said. "You can never be 100% until the child's born."

"Okay, thank you," Harry said. They both went back and Harry smiled when he saw her eyes glued to the screen.

"Are you happy now?" she asked, as Harry kissed her hair.

"Extremely," he said.

* * *

><p><strong>May 25th,<strong>

"I want to talk to you about something," Harry said. Ruth screwed her eyes up tightly and rolled heavily over, so she could go back to sleep.

"It'll wait for another hour or two," she said.

"Ruth…"

Ruth sighed into the pillow. "Harry, your pregnant wife, who by the way is suffering from high blood pressure, is hormonal and she wants more sleep, as does your son slash daughter. Do you really want to disturb me and have me being a bitch all day because I couldn't get enough sleep?"

"Okay, my love," he whispered, kissing her hair. Ruth smiled into the pillow as he called her that and let sleep take her again. Harry waited until she had completely drifted away and gave her protruding stomach a small stroke before leaving her, always with a fraction of worry. As Ruth had said, she was suffering from high blood pressure but as long as she took everything easy, they should both be fine, he thought with a sigh. The doctor was monitoring her carefully and he just hoped everything went smoothly.

He closed the bedroom door quietly and then walked into the empty upstairs room. It had several cardboard boxes in it and a few dust sheets thrown around but nothing else. They hadn't wanted to use it as an office once they had both quit their jobs but neither of them had ever wanted to do anything to it. Silently they had agreed that it would become the babies room. Harry wanted to decorate it and furnish it properly before the baby was born. He had wanted to tell Ruth in no uncertain terms that she was not to go in here once he'd started. He didn't want to spoil the surprise.

Harry started moving the boxes out of the room, knowing that nothing would wake Ruth up if she wanted to sleep. Pregnancy seemed to have made her sleep much more than usual, not that he minded. Having Ruth in bed more often actually seemed like a very good idea to him. When the room was empty, he went to the garage and carried cans of paint up to the nursery. By the time he'd packed the boxes away and finished hauling paint upstairs, and the pieces of the cot they'd bought last week, Ruth was awake.

"I'm sorry I'm such a moody bitch," she said, opening the door to the nursery.

"What are you doing?"

"You're allowed to be temperamental," Harry said kissing her good morning. "I think its about time we decorated the nursery. And by we, I mean me. So you don't see blue or pink and spoil the surprise."

"That's sweet," Ruth said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I wanted to ask you… Well, tell you really, that I am going to put a lock on the door. So you can't find out what colour everything is."

"Okay," Ruth said easily. "I love you."

"Mm," Harry said kissing her again. "I love both of you." Ruth looked around the room as Harry kept an arm around her waist.

"Tell me," she said looking at the paint cans. "I want to know."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah, tell me."

"Okay," Harry said. Ruth was shocked by how quickly he had given in as he picked up two paint cans and set them down in front of her. "Pick one."

"What are you doing?"

"Just pick one," he said.

"Fine, that one," she said pointing to the one on the left, thinking it didn't matter either way. Harry nodded and prised the top of the paint can off. Ruth held her breath as the lid hit the newspaper on the floor and she saw a baby blue paint.  
>"Blue. It's a boy?" she asked with sparkling eyes Harry didn't say a word and then opened the one next to it. "And pink," she said with a sigh. "You bastard. You really bought two sets of paint to try and keep me in the dark?"<p>

"You told me you didn't want to know," he said in that low velvety voice she adored, taking her in his arms again. "So you sure as hell are not finding out from me."

"I hate and love you in equal measure right at this moment," she said leaning in for another kiss. "Please promise me that you won't use them both together," she said seeming very worried. "Just stick to one colour."

"I promise," he said. "I'm going too get to work on the lock straight away."

"You're awfully excited," Ruth said.

"You might be the one pregnant, but I'm incredibly happy and excited about this child. Even if he or she hasn't been born yet."

"Mm," Ruth said looking around the small room, not yet ready for her child.

"My God, I felt that one," Harry said as the baby had given Ruth a massive kick. He had been pressed close to his wife, meaning that he had felt the movement. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," she said as the baby stopped moving slowly. "Just makes me a bit breathless when she moves like that." Her eyes were running over his face waiting for him to give something away.

"Nice try."

She shook her head, unable to believe how much she loved her life and her family in the present moment. "Harry, can you help me get in the bath?" She could probably manage it herself but knew he enjoyed giving her a hand. And soon, she really would be too big to do it on her own.

"With pleasure."

* * *

><p><em>I've come to a bit of a sticking point in my Havensworth fic, but I am working on it. Hope this was enjoyable in the meantime, reviews were minimal for the last chapter :( But massive thanks to pook, cowbell2011 and threesummerdays who all did review the last chapter...<em>


	5. Chapter 5

**July 17th**

Harry and Ruth were driving up to the wedding. It was a gorgeous day and they hadn't far to go, so decided to stay at home, rather than in a hotel. Ruth had her hands protectively on her stomach and she kept saying she was fat but Harry thought her completely breathtaking. Her pregnancy was very clear now and she wore a knee length pale blue summer dress. He loved her new curves that came with her growing bump and he would never allow her to say she was fat.

"I'm still not convinced you should be at this wedding."

"My blood pressure is fine," she said exasperated. "The doctor checked it three days ago. I have a only a two percent chance of it developing into pre-eclampsia. If that happened and I didn't get to a hospital within two days, I still have a only a three percent chance of it turning into full blown eclampsia, and only then would I have a serious condition which would actually require me to be laying down and missing this wonderful day. That's how close my blood pressure is to normal limits. I am not missing this wedding."

"How did you get all those statistics?" Harry asked, slightly amused.

"You have me on supervised bed rest which, as every single doctor you have consulted told you is medically unnecessary because you're so worried about me. And that's fine. I'll lay in bed for twenty four hours a day if it'll make you worry less about me. About us," she edited a hand on her stomach. "But don't expect my brain to take a break. It won't stop working. I did some research, that's how I know."

"I've been annoying and overbearing over the last few weeks haven't I?"

"Yes," Ruth said as the car drew to a stop. "But I don't mind. Well, mostly. I am pissed off that you haven't had sex with me in far too long." For her to swear like this, he knew she must have felt strongly about this.

"Well, when we get home then," he said with a smile. He had felt the lack of their sex life recently too.

"Promise?"

"Yeah, I promise."

"About bloody time," she said kissing his cheek. He laughed as they got out of the car, and walked slowly to the church under a perfect blue sky.

"I knew I shouldn't have let you convinced me to wear flat shoes," she said, feeling unaccountably short.

"You are not wearing heels," he replied, repeating his argument of the morning. "You are pregnant, you are not wearing heels when you can't see your feet."

"Another reminder of how fat I am," she said. "Charming."

"You are growing a second person," Harry said calmly, knowing it was her hormones speaking rather than her herself. "You are going to be bigger than you were this time last year. I'd prefer it if you wore flats, simply because its easier."

"I know," she said conceding defeat. "I just feel so short without my heels."

"Generally people focus on the brides at weddings," Harry said holding her hand and giving it a squeeze.

"I know. I'm sure Rosie won't like that though." Harry smiled at her, knowing that the slight argument was over. "Come on, I want to get good seats for Erin and Dimitri's wedding." Harry smiled. He wondered if anyone could ever be happier than he currently was.

* * *

><p>Ruth sat in the passenger seat as Harry drove them home. It had been a lovely wedding and, even though she felt slightly fat, she had enjoyed herself. "It was a nice wedding," she said to Harry, voicing her thoughts.<p>

"Ours will always be better," he said giving her a quick glance. She smiled, fiddling with a strand of her hair absently while watching the road.

"I tend to agree," she said. "They looked happy."

"Dimitri told me something," Harry said quietly. "A couple of weeks ago Erin was nearly shot. He was in the room while, for almost an hour they held a gun to her head.

"Thank God they're both okay," Ruth said sincerely.

"That wasn't why I'm telling you this," Harry said. "He told me that it is unimaginable, the total paralysing fear. He said that I had no idea what you felt… what you were going through for five days while I was unconscious."

"He's right," Ruth said. "You think you know how you will feel if you are ever put in that awful situation. If the worst happens and the one you love is in mortal danger. You think you can imagine how much it hurts and how terrified you'll be. You can't. There isn't a way to imagine it because words just aren't strong enough to describe it." She took a deep breath trying to fight off the memory of those awful days.

"I have an idea," he said in a low whisper. "Albany. When Lucas called me, he told me I had four hours to find you otherwise… you would suffer a fatal overdose and your heart would stop. I have an idea how it feels, believe me." She patted his thigh reassuringly.

"I spent five days sitting in that hospital just wishing you'd wake up," she said slowly. "I didn't care if you'd never walk again, or the other things the doctors kept threatening. I just wanted you to wake up."

"I'm sorry I put you through it," Harry said.

"Its not something I like to remember," she said. "It hurts."

"I'm sorry," he repeated. She made a quiet uncomfortable noise and he looked at her. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, its just kicking really hard," she said slightly breathlessly, her hands on her large bump. He watched her, eyes shining with love. "Harry!" He turned his attention back to the road and saw a truck serving towards them. He slammed his foot on the brake but he knew it wasn't going to be enough. The crash was so loud as glass and metal splintered everywhere. When the world stopped exploding, Harry opened his eyes.

"Oh God, Ruth," he whispered. She looked like she was collapsed over the dashboard but he could see that her head had hit the windscreen, now resting on the dashboard with her eyes closed. There was already blood splattered all over her chest too. He called an ambulance as fast as was humanly possible, at the same time trying to feel her pulse. It was there, and he kept a hand on the irregular beat, to reassure himself that she was still alive. He dropped the phone and tried to open the drivers door. It was jammed. He threw his shoulder against it twice and it did budge but agonisingly slowly. He managed to get out of the car and ran around to her side, pulling the distorted metal open.

"Ruth, talk to me," he said desperately, keeping one hand in her hair, ignoring the blood staining it.

"Harry…" she breathed painfully, her eyes still closed.

"Thank God," he said. "Keep talking, you need to stay awake."

"…Help…"

"Its on its way," he said. "An ambulance is coming. I promise."

"Good," she whispered.

"I can't move you," he said almost to himself. "If I move you, I could cause more damage."

"I know… These last few months with you… have been amazing…"

"No! Don't do that," he said angrily a hand stroking her face. "Do not tell me how much you love me or try and say goodbye. You are NOT dying, do you hear me?"

"Oh God," she breathed. "This hurts."

"I know," he said swallowing uncomfortably. "I know it hurts but you have to hold on." Then she did something that was completely unexpected. She smiled.

"The baby's kicking, its okay, " she whispered, even while her head was leaning against the windscreen. "Tell me."

"Tell you what?" Harry asked, stroking her face as her eyes flickered open for the first time since the accident.

"Boy or girl?"

"I'm not telling you that," he said. "You are going to go to hospital and get betterr. So I'm not going to tell you."

"Please?" He felt his heart sink when he realised how slow and slurred her speech was getting.

"No. You'll know when the baby is born. Just like you wanted."

"You're stubborn."

"You're just finding that out?" he said. She laughed quietly and then winced as it made pain shoot throughout her whole body. "Sorry," he said quickly.

"Are… you okay?"

"I'm fine," he said breathing a sigh of relief as he heard distant sirens. "Just a scratch." He had a large cut across his forehead and blood was dripping down his face but he didn't care. Anyway apart from that he was fine, the truck had swerved into Ruth's side of the car, much to his frustration. He turned from her to see blue flashing lights. "Thank God," he hissed gratefully. However he did keep touching her until the paramedics came up to get her into the ambulance.

* * *

><p><em>I did say it wouldn't be all happiness and sunshine! Don't hate me...<em>


	6. Chapter 6

"Tell me something," Harry said as they kept working on her in the back of the ambulance. She'd lost her grip on consciousness about five minutes before.

"She needs surgery," the paramedic said. "She's bleeding internally and she will die if she doesn't get help."

"I meant, tell me something good," Harry said through gritted teeth. "Is she in pain?"

"Probably yes," one said. "We'd normally give her pain relief medication but with her pregnancy we don't want to risk it."

"Okay, what about the baby?" he asked, needing to hear good news about something.

"As far as we can tell he's fine, but in order to save the mother we're going to have to do an emergency C section as soon as we get to the hospital.

"You can't, its too early," Harry said shaking his head. "You can't. He'll die."

"If we don't, they will both die. We cannot treat her as aggressively as we will need to while she's pregnant. It will kill the child."

"Okay," Harry said slowly, absorbing that piece of information. "Will the baby survive?"

"Chances are about 75 to 80% that he will."

"She wants this baby," Harry said to himself. "She didn't think she could have children, she so badly wants this."

"We will do our best to save them both," a paramedic told him. Harry nodded, knowing this was the case but he couldn't lose them. Either of them.

* * *

><p>Harry had been sitting in the waiting room alone panicking ever since he'd been given a hospital form to sign, giving his permission for the surgery. He was panicking because he'd read words like death and permanent vegetative state before he realised that reading the possible disasters was not going to do his sanity any favours. She'd only been away from him for an hour and already he was going crazy. Doctors kept walking past but none stopped to see him.<p>

"Harry?" a doctor who rang a vague bell said, looking at him. "What are you doing here?"

"Who are you?"

"Ethan Clarke," he said. "I treated you last year."

"Oh, of course," he said quietly. "Sorry. Bad day."

"What is it this time?" Ethan asked. "Apart from your forehead bleeding all over the floor."

"I'm sure you have other things to do," Harry said. "Other lives to save."

"I was just about to go home. I have time," he said.

"Car accident," Harry said. "Ruth… she's been taken through to surgery. They say… they have to deliver the baby today."

"She's pregnant?"

"Its too soon," Harry said. "I'm not convinced the baby will survive."

"Shall I go and check on them?"

"You don't have to do that…" Harry said, not even sure why he was fighting him.

"You're going out of your mind," Ethan said. "If it was my loved one, my sister in the operating room, I'd want to know. I'll be back in a few minutes once I know more."

"Thank you."

"And I am going to get someone to stitch that up."

"I don't care," Harry said shaking his head. "It doesn't matter."

"You'll scar if you don't get medical attention."

"Doctor Clarke, you know what I used to do for a living. One more scar won't hurt."

"You have to believe Ruth will get through this. And when she does, do you really want her to be reminded of this awful day every time she looks at her husband? She will see your scar everyday and remember the day she almost died. Every time she looks at you. Trust me, get it stitched."

"Fine," he said, knowing he had a point.

"I'll go find out how she's doing."

"Thank you."

Harry had just finished having his forehead stitched by a doctor whose name he didn't have the energy to remember when Ethan came back. "Tell me good news," Harry begged quietly.

"She's still alive," he said. Harry closed his eyes in silent thanks. "They are slowly stitching her internal injuries sustained in the car crash but it'll take a few more hours before they're close to being finished."

"Is she going to live?"

"Probably, is the best I can do for now." Harry nodded, this was good news. He was about to ask about the baby when Ethan spoke again. "Do you want to see your son?"

"He's…"

"Yes he's about…" Ethan looked at his watch. "Twenty three minutes old. Follow me." Ethan quickly led the way to the paediatric wing, Harry following without a word. "I am going to warn you, he is small, but he should be just fine, given a bit of time."

"Okay." Harry opened the door to see three incubators lined up next to each other. Ethan Clarke led the way to the furthest one from the door. Harry sighed as he saw a tiny baby wearing a little blue hat, attached to so many hospital machines. "Oh my God, he is so small," Harry said. "I know he's premature, but I didn't expect him to look like this."

"He'll be alright," Ethan said. The isolate is a necessary precaution, its safer this way." Harry stayed standing, looking at his tiny son in awe. "You can reach in and touch him if you like. You can't hold him, not until he's stronger but you can touch him."

"You'll keep me updated about Ruth?" Harry asked.

"I promise."

"Thanks." Harry was left alone with his newborn son. He stayed staring for a few minutes before he put his hand through one of the holes on the side of the incubator. He moved his fingertips and they touched his sons hand lightly. Harry smiled. This tiny little life which was half him and half Ruth… it was miraculous.

"Hi little boy," he said quietly. "Listen, your mum is in a bit of bad way at the moment. But she'll be okay. And then she'll tell you how much she loves you herself. I know she does, she's just going to be a bit ill for a while. She is going to love you and spoil you so much. We both are." Harry stroked the baby's arm slowly as he kept speaking. "I am going to wait until your mums awake to give you a name. I don't think she'd ever forgive me if I didn't. So for the moment, you're just going to be little baby Pearce. I hope that's okay with you." Harry smiled at his baby boy again as worry about Ruth filled his mind.

* * *

><p>Ethan stood outside the babies room, watching Harry talk to his son as a nurse came up to him and stopped, looking through the glass at father and son. "Did you tell him?" the nurse asked quietly.<p>

"No," Ethan said sadly. "I wanted to give him a moment of hope. Happiness. Its news that can wait."

* * *

><p><em>I am working on my Havensworth fic, but its coming along slowly. I know people are waiting for it. Anyway... hope you're enjoying this one though. Or want to kill me, either way :)<em>


	7. Chapter 7

Harry was still touching his sons hand when the door opened. He turned and looked, shocked at the appearance. "You're meant to be halfway to Greece by now," Harry said, turning back to the baby.

"Athens isn't going anywhere," Erin said, a long black coat over her wedding dress. "Ruth's more important than my honeymoon. Callum's been calling you desperately, trying to get some information."

"How did he even know? How did you know."

"You trained us well Harry," she said walking up to the incubator. "We are spooks after all."

"Hmm," he agreed. "They had to deliver the baby," Harry said. "In order to try and save her. So I'm a father again."

"Boy or girl?" Erin said with a smile purposefully trying to keep things light.

"Is the blue hat too much of a give away?" Harry asked sarcastically. Erin looked at Harry's face and saw the ghost of a smile. She knew that was a good sign.

"How is he?" Erin asked. "Being in an incubator doesn't exactly scream healthy baby."

"He's fine," Harry said. "Just small and underdeveloped. He'll be fine."

"Has he got a name yet?"

"No," Harry said. "Ruth… she'll want to name him. She told me she wanted Joanna for a girl. Her good friend who died the day she came back to work. The day our lives came together again. She thought it would be a girl. She never told me what she thought for a boy and I didn't push her."

"Joanna," Erin said carefully. "Jo Portman?"

"Yes," Harry confirmed.

"How is Ruth?"

"I don't know," Harry said. "Last I heard they were still operating, trying to stop the bleeding but I don't know. I'm hoping that no news is good news because at least they haven't told me she's… dead. This can't be my fault. I wasn't looking at the road, I was watching her. The baby kicked and I couldn't tear my eyes off of her, she was so beautiful. This can't be my fault, I can't have done this to her. I can't have hurt her this badly."

"You didn't," Erin said surely. "Callum called me just before I got here. The driver of the truck was driving under the influence."

"You can't know that. The blood tests won't be back yet," Harry said surely.  
>"No, they aren't," Erin said. "But apparently the driver stank of alcohol when he came into the ER. He was dead on arrival. They're a formality at this point. He was drunk, Harry."<p>

"He can't be left without a mother," he said still panicking, watching the baby. "Our son needs his mother."

"She won't die," Erin said. "She's too stubborn. To miss her life with her husband and newborn baby in her dream house? Hell will freeze over before she misses that."

"Thanks for that Erin," he said with a smile. "I needed to hear that."

"Can I… touch him?"

"You're missing your honeymoon for me and Ruth. Of course you can." Erin smiled and reached through the other side of the incubator to touch the baby's other hand.

"I've never touched a baby s…" Erin dropped the sentence, knowing she's said the wrong thing.

"So small," Harry finished. "I know. But he'll be okay."

"If he inherited either of his parents stubbornness? Of course he will." They fell into silence as they both admired the small boy. Then Harry felt his heart stop as Ethan came into the room.

"Harry I think we should talk in private."

"I'll stay with the baby if that's okay," Erin said firmly, nodding to Harry to go. Ethan took Harry outside and he was starting to panic now.

"Tell me she's okay," Harry said desperately as he collapsed on a cheap plastic seat in the hall. "She has to be okay. She has to be."

"She will recover," Ethan said. "But…"

"No, don't give me a but," Harry said. "I can't take that beautiful baby boy home to grow up without a mother. I can't."

"She will be able to go home with you both," Ethan said. "But."

"What is it? What's wrong with her?"

"When she wakes up, the first thing she is going to want to is to see her child. She can't."

"What do you mean she can't?" Harry asked.

"The baby is so small, his immune system isn't developed enough yet. We don't know how it happened, probably from parts of the car cutting into her, but your wife has a severe infection which her adult body will be able to fight. It'll make her weak but it won't really harm her, especially with the antibiotics. But if she spends time with her premature newborn, she will pass a deadly infection to him. He won't be able to fight it and it will kill him."

"So," Harry said. "When Ruth wakes up, I am going to have to tell her that she's suffered severe injuries in a car crash. She's had an emergency caesarean to deliver our son prematurely. And that while he's in the NICU, fighting to stay alive and gain weight so he's healthy enough just to be picked up and held, she can't even see him."

"Essentially yes," Ethan said.

"That is going to be so hard. It'll be torture for her."

"I know," Ethan said. "You will have to keep her spirits up."

"Keep her spirits up?" he said incredulously. "She would rather chop her own arm off than be away from her child. And I know that before her mothering instincts kick in."

"Not the positive attitude I was hoping for," Ethan said. "You have to keep reminding her that both her and the baby will get better. All three of you will leave here and have a life together."

"What do you know?" Harry said frustrated. "Have you got a wife who's been pushed through a car windscreen? A woman you love who will be in agony when she wakes up? When she realises she can't even see her child? Let alone hold him and pick him up? This will be torture. Keep her spirits up?"

"No, I don't have a wife," Ethan said. "But I have a baby sister. She has ovarian cancer and she's dying. She isn't going to get better, no matter how much time medications buy her. She's eighteen years old, and she is going to die before she's even lived. She's never even been kissed. She has been living in hospital for three years. Both our parents are dead, and she has no one else but me. I have to watch as a disease that can't be cured takes my sister away from me. The last family I have left.

And when she dies, she is going to be lying in my arms, and I'm going to smile at her and lie to her, telling her it'll get better. That in a minute it won't hurt so much. I will be watching her heart monitor when it flat lines as I know it will. Your wife won't die. Stay positive and help her. So that this time next year the two of you can bake a ridiculously elaborate chocolate cake for your sons first birthday."

"I'm sorry," Harry said completely ashamed. "I didn't mean… I'm sorry."

"No one expects doctors to know how much it hurts, when their loved one is lying in a hospital bed. But I do."

"I am sorry," Harry said sincerely. "What's your sisters name?"

"Ruth," Ethan said after a moments silence. "When you came in to the ER last year I spent two hours in surgery trying to save your life before I even thought to inform the family of what was going on. I came out and saw those sparkling blue eyes belonging to a woman named Ruth who was so scared that you were going to die. Eyes my sister used to have before the chemotherapy took their sparkle. Ever since then, I have been trying my best to take care of your family. They are both still alive."

"I am sorry for what I said," Harry replied horrified, knowing that other people were going through worse. "Can you tell me what room my wife is in?"

"218," Ethan said. "Its around the corner, turn left and follow the corridor. You'll find it."

"Thank you." Harry gave Ethan a last sad smile and went to update Erin before he left to see his wife.

* * *

><p><em>I have done quite a bit of medical research, but I apologise for any mistakes made, entirely my fault. I'd love a review if you have time. The one's so far have been amazing. Thank You.<em>


	8. Chapter 8

Harry spent the next five hours alternating between seeing his wife and his son. He was just thankful that they were on the same floor because he didn't think he had the energy to go up and down the stairs, or the patience to use the lift. Shockingly enough, Ruth looked fine. She looked like she was sleeping, except that Harry knew she always slept on her side. He spent more time with his son, knowing that Ruth would want him to. She'd be saying something along the lines of what use are you to me when I'm unconscious? Because of this Ruth was alone when she came out of her coma.

Her eyes flicked open and she knew she was alone. She ached everywhere and she hated that she couldn't move to sit up. Harry. He had to be alright. If he had been injured in the crash… But he had to be injured, otherwise why wouldn't he be here with her? She curled her hand and moved it to her stomach which wasn't fat anymore. She was no longer pregnant. I can't have lost it, she thought. Oh God, no. She stayed that way, in an agonised state of unknowing until Harry came in five minutes later.

"You're awake," he said relieved.

"Harry… the baby," she said quickly. "I'm not pregnant anymore. Tell me I haven't lost it…"

"No, no," Harry said taking her hand tightly. "The baby is fine. Trust me."

"You sure?"

"Who do you think I was visiting when you woke up alone?" Harry asked. Ruth allowed herself a smile. "You had to have an emergency caesarean, so you could be taken into surgery and they could save you. But its all okay. I promise you."

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"Mm," he said, kissing her cheek. "Just one cut."

"Boy or girl?"

"It's a little boy," Harry said smiling. "He's small but he's strong. He'll be just fine. Erin's with him."

"What about their honeymoon?

"She said you were more important."

"She didn't have to do that. Have you given him a name yet?" Ruth asked.

"How long have I been unconscious?"

"Only a few hours. No I haven't named him. I didn't want to do that without you. What name do you want?"

"I want to see him first." Harry sighed and closed his eyes. "Are you lying to me?" she asked as he didn't respond straight away. "Is he dead? Please don't let him be dead."

"No, I promise," Harry said squeezing her hand. "I swear to you that he is fine. But you can't see him."

"Why?"

"You have an infection, they don't know how it developed. Our son is too small to have a properly developed immune system yet. If you see him, you'll pass on the infection which he won't be able to fight off… and it'll kill him."

"So…" Ruth said slowly. "You're telling me, if I see my baby, he'll die?"

"I am so sorry," Harry said, unable to believe how difficult this was for her.

"I can't see my own son?"

"No," Harry said.

"Joseph Adam Pearce," Ruth said as the tears fell down her face unchecked.

"Is that the name you want?"

"Yes, for the two people I miss most," she said nodding. "We'll shorten Joseph to Joe. If its okay with you?"

"Yes," Harry said. "I'll get them to change the name tag he's got."

"What does it say at the moment?" Ruth asked.

"Baby Pearce, that's all."

"Okay," she said scrubbing her tears away. "I want you to go." Harry looked at her with unbearable sadness, wondering if she was locking herself and her feelings back up again.

"Ruth, don't push me away…"

"I'm not," she said quickly. "Go and see him and get me some photos," Ruth said as the tears fell down her face again. "Just take some pictures for me Harry. So I can see him. So I can know what the shape of his face is. So I can see whether he curls his fingers yet. So go. Please."

"I love you," he said, kissing her hair.

"I know," she replied. "I love you too. And please tell our son that I love him."

"I already have," he said. "But I'll tell him again."

"Thank you." Ruth closed her eyes as Harry left her alone, feeling empty and desolate. But luckily she felt so exhausted that she slipped into sleep before she could dwell on the depression for too long.

* * *

><p><em>Well guessed about the name theoofoof! I have written most of this one now, so shouldn't be too long between updates. Thanks for all the reviews so far! xxx<em>


	9. Chapter 9

The next time Ruth woke up she was alone. She groaned when she remembered that her son was in a part of this hospital and she couldn't even see him. A nurse came in and smiled at her. Just what I need, Ruth thought sarcastically. An insensitive perky blonde fifteen year old nurse.  
>"How are you feeling today?"<p>

"Like I've had my body rammed between a car and a truck," she said honestly. "How's my son?"

"Fine," the nurse said. "He's continuing to breathe on his own so its all looking good. Your husband left this for you," the nurse said, giving her a large padded envelope. Ruth opened it hurriedly and saw the top picture of her baby boy. He looked so small, was her first thought. But she smiled. This little life was half her and half Harry. There were at least a hundred photos in this envelope. She also noticed a sheet of paper which she quickly unfolded.

Ruth,  
>I hope you're feeling okay when you wake up. I got as many pictures of Joseph as I could. I've gone home to find a video camera. I want you to see as much of our son as you possibly can. There's also a copy of his medical chart in here too. I know you'd rather have a look at it yourself. I love you and will be back as soon as I can be. Don't worry, I'll drive carefully. All our love, Harry and Joe. xx.<p>

She was crying at the same time as smiling when she read that. She found the sheet of paper and studied Joe's statistics, glad that when she was in Cyprus she worked in a hospital. It didn't look as bad as she had feared. "Excuse me, can you get me a phone?" Ruth asked the nurse. The blonde flicked her eyes to the table and Ruth saw one there. She rolled her eyes and picked up the handset, dialling Harry's mobile.

"I can't talk long Erin, I have to go back to the hospital," Harry said in a voice that didn't sound like he wanted to talk.

"Its me."

"Oh God, are you alright?" he said in a much different, softer tone.  
>"Yeah, I've just woken up to find a pile of photographs," she said flicking through them even as she was talking to him.<p>

"Are they enough to keep you going until I get back with the camera?"

"Yeah, for the moment. Thank you." Ruth went through the pile of images again. "I just wanted to hear your voice. That's all."

"I will be back with you as soon as I can."

"I know. I love you."

"Love you too." Ruth put the phone down and continued to look through the images, until she had them committed to memory.

* * *

><p>Three days later and Ruth felt like she was in agony. She desperately wanted to see her baby but knew that she couldn't. Her test results every morning were a disappointment to her. They showed she still carried a potentially deathly infection that would harm her child.<p>

"He'll forget me," Ruth said to Harry. "He doesn't even know I exist. How can a mother not even be able to see her own child?"

"He is fine, and you will be fine, you just have to give it time," Harry said, knowing how difficult this was for her.

"I am his mother and I am missing his whole life. I can't do this."

"You can," he said. "You have to. No one can pick him up yet anyway. You're not…"

"What?" Ruth said in a deathly quiet voice. "Not missing much? He is my son and I am not allowed to even see him! He is three days old and his mother hasn't even laid eyes on him yet. That's not nothing! I've already missed the first time he curled his fingers into a fist. I haven't seen him sleep with his right arm above his head, like you have. These are things a mother needs to know. He hasn't ever heard my voice, he doesn't even know I care!" She was shaking and crying heavily.

"You have to calm down," Harry said firmly as her hands screwed up into fists and she started hitting the bed in frustration. "If you keep working yourself up, your incision could start bleeding and you'll have to go back into surgery, and it will be even longer before you can see him. So please, don't cry. I know this is impossible and I know that you hate me for being able to see him when you can't."

"I don't hate you," she said quietly. "I'd rather he had someone watching over him than no one at all. This is unbearable. This should be a torture method employed by MI5," Ruth added petulantly. "Would work wonders and have fantastic results."

"Shall I call Erin and suggest it to her?" Harry asked his lips twitching. "Wait. I have an idea," Harry said suddenly. He smiled a genuinely happy smile and then kissed the top of her head.

* * *

><p>Harry waited until there was no one in the NICU. It had taken the best part of a day for their to be no nurses, no doctors and no parents around. Phones were not allowed but he and Ruth had hatched a plan. He dialled her hospital phone and she picked it up before the first ring had died away. "Are you with him?" she asked quietly.<p>

"Yes," Harry said.

"Put me on speaker," Ruth said. Harry put the phone next to the incubation box their son was resting in and hit the correct button.

"Alright, he can hear you," Harry said.

"Hi, baby boy," Ruth said quietly. Harry smiled as Ruth kept talking to their son for the first time. "Your mum is so sorry that she can't be with you. I badly want to. I can't come and see you right now but I want you to know how much I love you. Your dad better be taking good care of you while I'm not around."

"I am," Harry interrupted.

"Well, we have a perfect little room for you at the house, just as soon as you

get to a proper weight. So you concentrate on getting bigger and stronger, do you hear me? And once you and me get home, we will never be staying in a hospital ever again. You are going to be the most loved baby boy that ever existed, you know that?"

"Oh Ruth," Harry said in a soft voice.

"What is it? What's wrong," she asked instantly.

"He's opening his eyes for the first time," he said. "Is that because you can hear your mummy?"

"Stop talking to him and take a picture so I don't miss it," Ruth said impatiently. Harry did what she asked, looking into Joe's blue eyes. His mothers eyes. He then put the phone back so Joseph could hear her.

"I love you," Ruth said in a choked voice and Harry knew she was crying.

"He knows," Harry said. He hung up the phone without even saying goodbye as the door opened. Ruth knew that would happen if Harry was caught with a phone, so he knew she wouldn't be that surprised. Ethan came into the room to check on the baby. Normally a nurse would do this, but he had taken a special interest in them.

"How's your sister?" Harry asked, as he now did every time he saw the surgeon.

"Unconscious but her stats are holding steady at the moment," Ethan said. "Thanks for asking. That's not why I'm here. I have good news for you. You can pick him up."

"Really?" Harry asked with a massive smile.

"Yeah." Ethan took the top of the incubator off and Harry carefully picked up his son for the first time. Harry held his son tightly in his arms and felt terrified. Here was another chance to be a father and he hoped like hell he wouldn't screw it up this time. A whole little life who depended on him.

"Ruth is going to be so upset that she's missing this," Harry murmured.  
>"Here are her test results," Ethan said. Harry looked at them and saw what he wanted.<p>

"Does this mean what I think it means?"

"Yes it does," Ethan said. Harry smiled and then kissed the top of Joe's head. He kept the baby tight to his chest as he left the NICU, to take Joseph to see Ruth. "Come on Joe, lets go see mummy."

* * *

><p><em>One more chapter left. Please review! xxx<em>


	10. Chapter 10

Harry opened the door and Ruth's face lit up when she saw the tiny blue bundle he carried. "I can't." she said.

"You can. The doctor told me that your tests have come back clean. And he is healthy enough to be held now. You can hold him."

"I don't want to hurt him," Ruth said shaking her head, even as her eyes glazed over with soft happiness. "I can't be the one who hurts him."

"You won't," Harry said. "Take him." Ruth's face split into a truly happy smile as she held her son for the first time.

"He's bigger than I thought," Ruth said happily as the baby settled in her arms. "Oh, he's so beautiful," she added as he opened his eyes and looked at his mother.

"He is," Harry agreed.

"Hi," she cooed over her baby, holding his hand with her own, feeling his fingers delicately, breathing in his wonderful baby smell. "Oh, I am so sorry I missed your first few days. So very sorry."

"He knows you didn't do it on purpose," Harry said stroking his boys head lovingly. "He has your eyes."

"Mm," she said. "He does."

"I know I've been a temperamental B-I-T-C-H," she said not wanting to swear in front of her child. "I just so badly wanted to see him and hold him."

"Ruth, you were going through unimaginable pain. You're stronger than I am." While the baby was in her arms Harry turned her head and kissed her lips.

"Everything will be alright."

"Yes," Ruth said to Joe. "It will."

* * *

><p><strong><em>August 20th<em>**

"Okay," Ruth said sitting on the end of the bed, baby monitor in hand. "We are all home and healthy, I am never going to a hospital ever again and, most importantly, Joe is asleep." Ruth smiled and curled up on the bed, extremely tired.

Harry kissed her hair lovingly. "You seem tired," he said.

"Yes, because that makes me feel beautiful and sexy," she said sarcastically, pulling the duvet over herself without even bothering to undress. "I've been in a car crash, recovering from major abdominal surgery and looking after an underweight newborn. I am tired."

"He's not underweight anymore," Harry said happily. "He's a perfectly beautiful and healthy little boy."

"I know that," she said. "He's even more beautiful now he's sleeping through the night. Well, most nights."

"Mm," Harry said, kissing her lips passionately.

"Harry…" she said in between kisses. "Harry…" He unbuttoned her shirt and started to touch her when she rolled away from him "No."

"What's wrong?" Harry asked confused. "You said Joe was asleep."

"He is."

"Then let me love you," he said.

"I can't," she said.

"Why?" he asked, simply wanting her to talk to him.

"I look like I've been gutted, Harry," she said bluntly, shaking her head. "Because of how severe the surgery was to save my life, I have a horrible surgical scar from here," she said taking his hand and placing it just below her heart. "All the way down to here." She moved his hand all the way down her body until it rested between her legs. She let go of him, but he kept his fingers entwined with hers and kissed the back of her hand.

"God, Ruth. You think I care?"

"I don't want you to see me like that," she said shaking her head again. "I'm your wife. I want you to think of me as beautiful and desirable, not picturing me with a knife cutting me open or remembering the car crash, which you will when you see it."

"You know how many scars I have," Harry said.

"Yes, eighty three," she said without even stopping to think about it.

"Alright," he said, surprised that she knew exactly how many he had. "My point is, whenever you touch me or kiss me, you don't concentrate on them. You touch them and you touch me with so much love that I forget they even exist. Let me do the same for you." She didn't say anything but dropped her arms to let him remove the shirt she wore. He unbuttoned it and split the material, her head turned away from him as he did it. He let her avoid his eyes for a minute but no longer. His fingers resting on her stomach over her scar, his other hand made her face him.

"You are beautiful," he said. She closed her eyes sadly. "You are. You are beautiful and intelligent, kind and caring, alive and a fantastic mother to our son. What else would I want in my wife?"

"Someone who loves you?" Ruth suggested with a smile.

"Are you telling me you don't?" he asked, secure enough not to doubt her feelings for him. Not anymore.

"I love you," she said. "You know I am so exhausted that all I can do is lie here."

"I don't mind doing all the work," he said with a smile as she laughed. He kissed her and only pulled away seconds later when she groaned. He wondered if he'd pressed on her injury by mistake but then his ears caught up to his senses. Joe was crying.

"I'll get him," Harry said. "And when I get back I am going to make love to my wife." She couldn't respond before he vanished out of the door. But she was smiling.

* * *

><p>Ruth opened the door surprised to see her twenty three year old son there. "Hi Joe," she said, giving him a hug before letting him into her house. "I swear you get taller every time I see you! I wasn't expecting you today, I thought you'd be busy."<p>

"I just wanted to come and make sure you were okay. I know today's always a difficult day for you."

"Thank you," Ruth said, curling up on the sofa.

"And Cara broke up with me."

"Ah," Ruth said smiling. "So that's why you're here."

"Well, talking to my mother always makes me feel better," Joe said with a smile which stopped her heart. It was Harry's smile. "Have you been to see him today?"

"Yes," Ruth said. She had been at the graveyard that morning to talk to Harry. Honestly, now that she lived alone, she was there most mornings. "I miss him."

"I know you do," Joe said. "I'm sorry I don't remember much about him."

"You were only seven when he died," Ruth said shaking her head. "It isn't your fault. Not that I don't wish you could have spent more time with him because I do."

"How did he die mum?"

"He had a heart attack. I've told you this," Ruth said quietly.

"I know its what you told me," Joe said. "But I'm not sure it's the truth."

"I don't understand what you're getting at?" Ruth said confused.

"I've been doing some research," Joe said. "I know what my parents did for a living before I came along. You weren't a research assistant and dad didn't work for a small private security firm behind the scenes. Did he?"

"No," Ruth said quietly.

"You both worked for MI5," Joe said.

"You found that out? God, you really are our son," Ruth said shaking her head, even while she felt a rush of pride in her sons abilities.

"I can top that," Joe said with a small smile. "You were a senior intelligence analyst, one of the top intelligence officers the country had seen in a decade, and dad was your boss, head of Section D, in Thames House. You worked with each other from 2003 to 2011 when you both resigned together."

"How did you find that out?" Ruth asked breathlessly.

"Does it matter?" Joe asked. "Anyway, my question is, did dad have a heart attack? Or was he murdered by one of his many, many enemies he made throughout his career. I need to know."

"I promise, your father died, because of a heart attack," Ruth said. Joe shook his head as if he didn't believe her. "He died on the street while I was at home and you were at school. It was such a shock and so unexpected. He'd been feeling fine and we'd never been happier. So I thought exactly what you're thinking. I had Erin, someone we used to work with, call in a few favours for me. I… went to the morgue and I examined his body. I wanted to be sure… I needed to know there was nothing there. It was horrible, seeing him like that, something I never wanted to do. But I knew that knowing the truth was better than a lifetime of wondering and I couldn't trust anyone to do it for me. I checked everything. There was nothing there. No needle marks, no gunshots, which had worried me and no knife wounds. I did everything I could think of. I had them re-run the blood tests and the toxicology report. Nothing there. He had a heart attack, Joe. I promise you."

"Thank you," he said. "I've been avoiding talking about this for a while now. But I needed to know."

"You can talk about him with me. It doesn't hurt as much anymore. I love him, I still do and I always will, but the pain of not having him here… it lessened over time. So you can talk about him."

"Every time I did when I was younger you cried," Joe said. "So I just stopped asking."

"I hated being away from him," Ruth said. "Without him. I tried to keep myself together but it was hard. Silly little things got to me. I could only ever sleep on my side of the bed. When I go shopping, even now I'll occasionally stop in front of a bottle of whisky, before I remember that there's no one at home to drink it. And I hate whisky. It's a horrible drink. But I did love the way Harry drank it." She smiled in memory. "I wanted you to have a normal childhood, even with a dead father."

"I had a happy childhood," Joe said putting an arm around his mother. "You know that."

"I tried my best," Ruth said with a smile.

"You two worked together for years and years," Joe said quietly. "What took you so long?"

"It was not an easy job," Ruth said honestly. "I never really let myself open up to him. And your father... well he had a tendency to stick is foot in it, just when we were getting back to some normal ground. Did I tell you that he proposed to me in a graveyard, at a funeral once?"

"What was he thinking?" Joe said trying to stop laughing.

"I have no idea," Ruth said, gently touching her engagement ring that she still wore. She hadn't taken it off once in twenty four years. "And the second time, he was in his kitchen when I came in. And he told me how much he loved me and proposed."

"That's romantic," Joe said sarcastically.

"Strangely enough, it was," she said smiling. "At the time he was recovering from slight brain damage. He couldn't say all the words he wanted to. They slipped away from him. But he never tripped over his words that day. Not once, and I was so proud of him for doing that."

"You're smiling," he said. "You never used to smile when you spoke about dad."

"It doesn't hurt so much anymore," Ruth said. "He was quite a few years older than me and I always knew he'd go first."

"You're so strong," he said quietly. "I don't know how you do it."

"I do it because I'm a mother. Mothers do what they have to do."

"Do you want to come with me? To see dad? I'll tell him off for that unromantic proposal he inflicted on you."

Ruth laughed. "I'd love to."

* * *

><p><strong>THE END<strong>


End file.
